Well….I finally did it, and I made it!

Well, I finally did it- I bit the bullet, put all my fears and worries aside and I signed up for school on Saturdays. The process leading up to it literally had me sick to my stomach with worries, stress, anxiety and self doubt. The course I am taking will hopefully prepare me well for an industry wide exam and certification. The certification exam needs to be signed up for separately and will cost me another $300 to register for which is part of the anxiety I was having. All I could think at the time I was debating registering for the class was “what if I fail the exam and all this was for nothing?”

Truth be told, I have been debating for almost 2 years now what to do with my life ever since I was laid off from my job of 10 years back in April of 2009. I looked into so many options and even looked into a Master’s program that I was considering when someone in the industry told me that this course or certification rather would probably make me more well rounded and knowledgeable than half the people with a Masters or actual on the job experience. I think it is becoming somewhat of an industry standard from the best I can tell. Anyway- I looked into getting this certification and then toyed with a Master’s degree instead but each time something prevented me from going forward. I had to put a lot on hold the past few years with my father being so sick and being so intimately involved in his care. Around the time I was to register for the Master’s program my father’s health started to decline rapidly. I figured at that point I would go for the certification instead as it was cheaper and probably easier and quicker to attain. Around the time I started researching that, my father had passed away. I took some time to get my head on straight and when it came time to looking into this once again, I ended up with a job in a completely unrelated field. At that point, I figured it did not make sense. Well unbeknown to me at the time, that job was short lived as they went out of business two short months later after the Feds shut them down for embezzling funds from their clients.

So there I was- once again starting over. While the job was short lived, they did send me to sales school twice a week and I have to say I learned a lot and still use some of the principles they taught me to this day and I am glad I had the experience. But it also taught me what type of job I did not want and brought me back to focusing on my original plan, looking for work once again and researching certification to advance me in the right direction. In August of last year I started another job- on the corporate side of HR and recruiting which I was lucky to land. It is not my dream job but at least it gets me the corporate experience I lacked on the agency side that was holding me back. I knew there was an exam coming up that I could have prepared for in December of last year, but with the holidays and trying to get situated in a new job, it just would have been too hectic.

During the month of December it had been very slow at work and there were points where I was going out of my mind with boredom so one day I was surfing the net to see if there were any courses in the area that would help me advance to a better opportunity down the line and the first that came up was a college 5 minutes from where I work. Call me crazy, but there is big part of me that thinks that things happen for a reason in life and that it was not by accident that I stumbled upon this course. So for the next two weeks, I debated, got my nerves up and kept coming up with reason after reason why it was not the right time and too many other things were going on in my life simultaneously. But someone pointed out that there is never going to be a right time, I need to stop doubting myself and then I realized that I had been playing around with the idea for almost 2 years now and I decided bad timing or not, I need to make it happen. So this week despite a major obstacle or two or three, I got myself registered and when I arrived home from work today there were my registration papers and instructions for the first day of class. I go in on Tuesday to pick up all my books and training modules. At this point, the entire World better pray for me that I learn so much, the material comes easily to me, I made the right decision and that when I register for the industry exam, that I actually pass it. Oh yeah, and you might as well also pray that this springboards me to bigger and better. While knowledge is power, let hope in this case it is also the key to a better position and hopefully a much bigger paycheck in the near future.

My first class is next Saturday and I can honestly so that I am so nervous. I have not been a college student in over 13 year and while I thought at first I would go to class, take notes and take a test; something tells me it is going to be much more labor intensive than that. I am going to have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to get there, read and study all week and then to bed early for me on Friday nights. The worst part is that we got my mom tickets for her birthday to see a play in New York City and to catch the train and get there in time, I have to leave the first class an hour early. I hate to start off like that and I certainly hate to spend money for something I am not getting. Hopefully all the training modules and online side of things will make up for the difference. I got my logins for the online portion in the mail today so maybe I will poke around with it a bit this weekend.

So……what else is new since I am now writing on a whim? Well yesterday was my mom’s birthday and to be honest, it was really pretty good. I thought since it was on the anniversary of my father’s death that it would not be a good day for her, but I think everyone did their best to make her feel special. She was in a surprisingly good mood the other day. The day started with my boyfriend and I giving her the play tickets which she was excited to receive. Then she went to work where they treated her to lunch and all got her gifts. Afterwards, we all went to dinner, sang to her and she came home to flowers my sister had delivered. All in all, I was stressing for weeks on her behalf but she took it better than expected. She has a great attitude this year and is determine to get out and about and make it a great year. To tell you the truth, I am very happy for her. She has her moments as we all do, but I think she is going to be OK. It took her almost a full year to the day, but I think she is finally ready to move on and do things with her life instead of sitting home feeling sorry for herself which is a big part of what she did last year. She is starting to host all the usual holidays and parties that she had in the past. She is excited for the arrival of her first grandchild and all seems right in her world. She is convinced I will be getting married this year as well, but I don’t know I would go that far.

As for me, I got over the initial shock, disappointment, should have been me in a former life factor and am also starting to get somewhat excited that there will be a little kid in the family. (Now we just need to convince my sister-in-law that she really should start thinking of more normal names so the poor kid does not get beaten and made fun of on the playground at school.) I know he is looking down, but I wish my father were here to see his first grandchild be born. He would have been so proud. Speaking of my father, I am trying my best to not get upset and so far, I have been doing surprisingly well. Today is the one year anniversary of my father’s passing. A year has gone by, yet I remember it like it were yesterday. I just hope he is proud of the family, how far we have all come and that he provides that educational miracle I need to do well in school and pass my exam. I also hope he pulls out any favors he’s owed up there to help lead me to that “bigger and better” I am so desperately looking for.

OK… I do feel I need to change the topic now because while I was doing great, the thought of him not here and missing out on all the good that is in store for his family in the years to come has me starting to sport a tear. Now not that this is unrelated per say, but one of the things that had me contemplating the timing of school was that it coincided with the Liver Life Walk that I signed up for last year. I just decided that I would do my best. I think this weekend I will register my team and if people want to join they can- if not, then so be it. I want to make it fun and not be a slave driver as I was accused of being last year. And honestly, with school and work driving me nuts lately, I don’t think I will have the time to put in the effort that I had hoped to. But because I said I would do it- I will. Once I get all set up, I will post the link and I hope that anyone in cyberspace reading this will be gracious enough to donate $5 or so. Every little bit counts and as the disease my father died from is apparently hereditary; I am not only doing it in his memory, but to save lives….maybe even my own or a siblings.

In other news, I went ice skating with my boyfriend last weekend. Speaking of anniversaries and a year ago, it was also the one year anniversary of when we met while ice skating one cold January evening. I looked dreadful and just needed to get out after having a week of really bad news with my dad. Little did I know I would meet someone wonderful and have them still in my life one year later. Ironically, on the one year anniversary of our meeting, we sat down at night to go over that big bad scary budget. It wasn’t planned that way but interesting timing nonetheless.

Right about now he is going over different scenarios and options for living arrangements- some include me, some don’t- who knows. All I know is that he needs to make a decision before I decide what my next move is going to be. I’m sure he does not like that idea since he probably assumed January would come and I would be ready to move in somewhere with him, but I have no intention of moving my stuff just to box it up and move it again a month or two later. Now if I have to take what I can fit temporarily and leave stuff behind, then so be it, but not to move and then move again. If I am going to go through the effort, I at least want it to be for a reasonable length of time. So while I sit pretty, he has to figure out his options, I have to figure out mine. In the meantime, there is the part of me that is still worrying about my mom living alone in such a big house with so much property that requires way more maintenance and upkeep then she is capable of on her own. Now for that problem I did come up with a plan, but it does not seem to be ideal for the people involved so we will see how time and events play out in the coming months.

My brother and sister-in-law are in a tiny apartment, not even a tub to wash a baby and not an inch of room for one baby item. I proposed to my brother that he should seriously consider moving in with my mom. While not ideal, there is a room for them, another room for the baby, a basement and attic for storage and while my mom would be able to help out with childcare, my brother would be able to help out with the house. And in this plan, I can move out and not have to worry for a year or so who is going to help my mom out with the house. So that is my plan, but something tells me that I may still be here for a while.

I think that is about all she wrote for tonight. As new things unfold and time permits, I will fill you in on my life and all the happenings. In the meantime, it is crazy at work and while nothing would make me happier than to enjoy a nice peaceful weekend to myself, I brought work home with me :(.

Until I write again……..