I write this blog entry to inform others of the process should they fall into the same category, but also to tell the story of my wedding(s).
My husband and I had both been married in the past. We each had the big weddings, spent months planning, stressing, paying for things and shelling out thousands on guests, food, invitations and entertainment. The second time around we wanted it to be different. We wanted something memorable and unique and we also wanted it to be about us and not about everyone else. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and family, but not enough to shell out thousands and thousands of dollars and stress over giving them a memorable experience when we were the ones that really mattered in the end.
While there was some stress involved- mostly who was going, not going and when they were flying down, we decided to get married in a private beach ceremony in St. Lucia. We had a wedding coordinator down there that took care of all the grunt work, she told us where to be and when and I must say she did an amazing job. We had to go through all the same paperwork and legal issues that we would had we gotten married in the United States. We even had to meet with an attorney to make sure our documents where in order and the marriage would be legal. Prior to returning home from St. Lucia, we were given our marriage certificate which we were told was legally binding and should be accepted anywhere that required it. All we had to do was turn it in where documents are recorded and it should become official in our country.
Prior to leaving for St. Lucia, I did some research and much to my surprise; I discovered that there was no where I could find to turn that out of country document in. I tried the courts and then called town hall. Basically, I was told that in order to record the marriage in this country and to obtain a US marriage certificate, we would need to get married again. Of course this news was disappointing and it defeated the purpose of getting married elsewhere. Had I known this prior to a week before the actual wedding, I would have planned differently. I would have had a small ceremony locally for family to attend, followed by a small reception dinner and then we would have gone off to enjoy our honeymoon- ALONE. Instead we got a familymoon and barely 5 minutes to ourselves the entire stay but that is another topic.
Now to inform those considering out of country marriages, most places will accept on out of country marriage certificate. As long as you follow all the guidelines of the place you are to be wed and comply with all their rules and regulations, your marriage is considered legal anywhere. Well anywhere except the Department of Motor Vehicles that is. I came home with my out of country marriage certificate and went to the Social Security office to have my name changed and it was done in 5 minutes, no questions asked. DMV on the other hand refuses to change anything unless it is a US document and without that, you basically can’t change any of your identification.
So anticipating this in advance, I called the local town hall prior to going down to St. Lucia to inquire on the process. They informed me that that this would be considered a second ceremony as long as I had the document proving we were already married elsewhere. As such, we needed to pay $40 for a marriage or second ceremony license and then we had I think 60 days to use it. Upon having someone officiate the ceremony, we would turn it in and get our US document. Now normally there is a 48 hour wait between when a marriage license is issued and when the actual wedding can take place, but as this was considered a second ceremony, we were able to use that right away. Not knowing who would and would not take our out of country marriage certificate, we lined up all our ducks prior to our trip to St. Lucia just in case we needed them upon our return.
We flew home on a Sunday night and started researching were to turn out document in. We didn’t come up with anything quickly and easily and while I’m sure there was a way around this, without having to get a lawyer involved, it was just easier to get the second ceremony done and move on. First thing Monday morning we went to town hall to get our marriage license. We got a list of officiates prior to going to St. Lucia and called around to “reserve” (or make an appointment) for one on that Monday in case it became necessary. Once we confirmed with town hall that we were able to use our marriage license right away as it was considered a second marriage of the same two people, we called up the Mayor who had agreed to marry us and arranged for him to meet us down by the water and make us legal in this country. It was a bit chillier than it had been in St. Lucia, but it was still a nice day and I had my brother and sister in law join us with the baby as our witnesses since they were not able to make it to the real wedding ceremony. Afterwards we took tons of photos, went out for a nice dinner and became “legal” in the US.
I have to say, as the Mayor was a town official and was therefore not allowed to take money from us and for the low cost of a $40 marriage license, it was definitely kind of nice. Perhaps being near the water instead of a courthouse had something to do with it, but all in all, we had two memorable weddings. We now joke around that we are stuck with each other FOREVER as we had to get married twice. Ironically we both think of the legal and paperwork nightmares should we ever get divorced but I think that is just from having gone through that experience in the past. Neither one of us have intentions of that being the case. Hopefully we live very happy lives together, have tons of fond memories, travel the worlds and who knows, maybe start a family one day, but that is not really in our control so God willing, we look forward to where life takes us.
Until I write again…….
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Happily Ever After
It has been a very long time since I have last wrote. Typically I write when I am troubled, stressed, upset about something or come to a big decision that needs to be made in my life that I am torn over. I suppose if that is the case, it is a good thing that I have not needed to write; this means life is good…….and it is.
I think I last wrote in October prior to getting married. At the time I was having a severe case of cold feet. Up until the weeks prior I had been fine, but all the sudden I started falling apart and second guessing myself. I guess it was a big step for me, and for us, but knowing how terribly wrong it went the last time, I couldn’t help but wonder if that same fate would befall me in a few years. It was a different time, a different place in my life and a completely different person and this time around- EVERYTHING is different. All I can say to anyone going through a rough patch in life is to hang in there. A few years makes a big difference and what does not kill you really does make you stronger. At least I know my trials and tribulations made me stronger and put me more in touch with what I wanted out of life and what the truly important things are.
So here I sit today a changed person and a married person- a happily married person. Up until the last minute I was nervous, uncertain and I even had a little melt down the day of the wedding but mostly that was because my Dad was not there. I know he was there in spirit, but I wish he could have been there to share that very special moment with me in person. Instead I wore him close to my heart. The day of the wedding I got my nails done, had my hair done, put on my make up, my beautiful dress and then I put my father’s Thumbie on my grandmother’s pearls and wore him around my neck for the rest of the day.
I must admit that when I got down to St. Lucia, I was a bit upset. I had envisioned this beautiful wedding barefoot on white sand beaches with beautiful turquoise water in the backdrop. Well one part came true…. the bare feet in the sand. I apparently got on the plane and realized I forgot my shoes at home. The first stop was the hotel gift shop where I hunted down some white flip flops just to walk around the resort in, but when it came to the actual ceremony time- the flip flops came off and into the sand I went.
It had been a relatively active hurricane season this year and while we were lucky that the island of St. Lucia itself was not hit, the hurricanes in the surrounding areas had churned the seas up so that the water was bit mercy and not the color I had imagined. Part of the beach looked like it had been eroded away from recent or previous storms. I was a bit disappointed when I saw the actual site the ceremony would occur in; so much so, that I contemplated doing it in the gazebo at the top of the hill. The gazebo had a beautiful view, but going down there we both envisioned bare feet, sand, sun and some family and so it was decided that while it was not as picturesque as we had planned, we were still going to have the ceremony on the beach…..and we were so glad we did.
It has rained on and off for brief periods of time the week we were there, but on our wedding day- not a drop of rain. It was sunny and oh my God was it hot. We got married around 4pm with the sun slowly dropping from the sky in the background. There was a slight breeze and the sounds of the ocean crashing to the shore could be heard as we read our vows. I have to say that while the beach was not as pristine as we would have liked, it was one of the most memorable moments that we have had together and perhaps one of the more memorable moments that we will have in years to come.
After we read our vows, we signed the registry along with our witnesses. We then had a champagne toast and cut our wedding cake, followed by our song played on the beach were we danced barefoot in the sand. Once this was done, we did the usual photos around the resort. First we headed to the top of a hill where we got beautiful background views and then right around the time the sun was setting, we headed down to the beach were we walked through the water, splashed around and I even came up with a crab stuck to my toe at one point. Every moment was perfect, but the memorable moments did not stop there.
When we were planning everything with the wedding coordinator, she offered the option of a private dinner on the beach. Of course it was an all inclusive resort so I didn’t understand why there was an additional fee included but the more I thought about it, the more memorable I thought it would be. So we decided to plan the dinner on the beach. The wedding coordinator made arrangements for us to meet with the executive chef of the resort where we would plan our own personal menu. We planned the items we wanted to eat and the chef took care of allergy concerns for anyone that could not eat the ingredients we chose. When all was said and done, the wedding coordinator asked if I knew anyone named Jessica and as she stumbled to find the last name, I said it first and when she said “yes- that’s it”, my reply was, “that’s my sister”.
Leading up the wedding, my sister had been asking a lot of questions about the wedding, the trip, any special meals we had planned etc. At first we thought that maybe she was going to fly down there and surprise us. So when the wedding coordinator asked if I knew a Jessica, my heart started pounding and I thought that maybe she was going to say that she would be joining for dinner that evening. I was definitely taken off guard, but it turns out that my sister had called down to the resort and regardless of what we had planned; she wanted to surprise us with something special. When I told the coordinator that Jessica was my sister, she then said, “Well she would like to pay for your private dinner as a wedding gift to you since she was not able to be here. You will not see a charge for this on your bill.”
When I heard this, I have to admit, I started crying like a baby. Up until now my sister and brother seemed indifferent about the whole wedding thing. My sister asked why I even wanted to get married again. She asked if I even loved him and repeatedly asked if I was sure. The whole time she was second guessing me and I couldn’t understand it. Perhaps it was that she was looking out for me after what happened the last time. Maybe she was making sure I was sure and not jumping into something too quickly where I had the potential to get hurt again, but it never truly came across that way. I mean my entire family saw what I went through and what my ex did to me. I would have thought they would have been happy for me and happy that I had moved on and found a wonderful person, but it never came across that they were either. So when my sister who seemed indifferent about my choice to get remarried or her presence at the actually wedding all of the sudden surprised me like that, I was taken aback and I think the tears where those of- she really does care!
Anyway, those tears later turned to happiness as it was one of the best meals any of us have ever eaten. I knew that certain items may have been prepared tableside, but the executive chef from the resort cooked and plated everything before our eyes. The food was amazing, the service exceptional and it far exceeded our expectations. It really was the most perfect day from beginning to end. Our pictures and video are amazing and we had the kind of wedding that most people can only dream of. I truly feel blessed and after all is said and done, I have no regrets and no doubts that I married the perfect person for me this time. Hopefully we will have many years of health, happiness and new memories to look forward to in the years to come.
Until I write again……..
I think I last wrote in October prior to getting married. At the time I was having a severe case of cold feet. Up until the weeks prior I had been fine, but all the sudden I started falling apart and second guessing myself. I guess it was a big step for me, and for us, but knowing how terribly wrong it went the last time, I couldn’t help but wonder if that same fate would befall me in a few years. It was a different time, a different place in my life and a completely different person and this time around- EVERYTHING is different. All I can say to anyone going through a rough patch in life is to hang in there. A few years makes a big difference and what does not kill you really does make you stronger. At least I know my trials and tribulations made me stronger and put me more in touch with what I wanted out of life and what the truly important things are.
So here I sit today a changed person and a married person- a happily married person. Up until the last minute I was nervous, uncertain and I even had a little melt down the day of the wedding but mostly that was because my Dad was not there. I know he was there in spirit, but I wish he could have been there to share that very special moment with me in person. Instead I wore him close to my heart. The day of the wedding I got my nails done, had my hair done, put on my make up, my beautiful dress and then I put my father’s Thumbie on my grandmother’s pearls and wore him around my neck for the rest of the day.
I must admit that when I got down to St. Lucia, I was a bit upset. I had envisioned this beautiful wedding barefoot on white sand beaches with beautiful turquoise water in the backdrop. Well one part came true…. the bare feet in the sand. I apparently got on the plane and realized I forgot my shoes at home. The first stop was the hotel gift shop where I hunted down some white flip flops just to walk around the resort in, but when it came to the actual ceremony time- the flip flops came off and into the sand I went.
It had been a relatively active hurricane season this year and while we were lucky that the island of St. Lucia itself was not hit, the hurricanes in the surrounding areas had churned the seas up so that the water was bit mercy and not the color I had imagined. Part of the beach looked like it had been eroded away from recent or previous storms. I was a bit disappointed when I saw the actual site the ceremony would occur in; so much so, that I contemplated doing it in the gazebo at the top of the hill. The gazebo had a beautiful view, but going down there we both envisioned bare feet, sand, sun and some family and so it was decided that while it was not as picturesque as we had planned, we were still going to have the ceremony on the beach…..and we were so glad we did.
It has rained on and off for brief periods of time the week we were there, but on our wedding day- not a drop of rain. It was sunny and oh my God was it hot. We got married around 4pm with the sun slowly dropping from the sky in the background. There was a slight breeze and the sounds of the ocean crashing to the shore could be heard as we read our vows. I have to say that while the beach was not as pristine as we would have liked, it was one of the most memorable moments that we have had together and perhaps one of the more memorable moments that we will have in years to come.
After we read our vows, we signed the registry along with our witnesses. We then had a champagne toast and cut our wedding cake, followed by our song played on the beach were we danced barefoot in the sand. Once this was done, we did the usual photos around the resort. First we headed to the top of a hill where we got beautiful background views and then right around the time the sun was setting, we headed down to the beach were we walked through the water, splashed around and I even came up with a crab stuck to my toe at one point. Every moment was perfect, but the memorable moments did not stop there.
When we were planning everything with the wedding coordinator, she offered the option of a private dinner on the beach. Of course it was an all inclusive resort so I didn’t understand why there was an additional fee included but the more I thought about it, the more memorable I thought it would be. So we decided to plan the dinner on the beach. The wedding coordinator made arrangements for us to meet with the executive chef of the resort where we would plan our own personal menu. We planned the items we wanted to eat and the chef took care of allergy concerns for anyone that could not eat the ingredients we chose. When all was said and done, the wedding coordinator asked if I knew anyone named Jessica and as she stumbled to find the last name, I said it first and when she said “yes- that’s it”, my reply was, “that’s my sister”.
Leading up the wedding, my sister had been asking a lot of questions about the wedding, the trip, any special meals we had planned etc. At first we thought that maybe she was going to fly down there and surprise us. So when the wedding coordinator asked if I knew a Jessica, my heart started pounding and I thought that maybe she was going to say that she would be joining for dinner that evening. I was definitely taken off guard, but it turns out that my sister had called down to the resort and regardless of what we had planned; she wanted to surprise us with something special. When I told the coordinator that Jessica was my sister, she then said, “Well she would like to pay for your private dinner as a wedding gift to you since she was not able to be here. You will not see a charge for this on your bill.”
When I heard this, I have to admit, I started crying like a baby. Up until now my sister and brother seemed indifferent about the whole wedding thing. My sister asked why I even wanted to get married again. She asked if I even loved him and repeatedly asked if I was sure. The whole time she was second guessing me and I couldn’t understand it. Perhaps it was that she was looking out for me after what happened the last time. Maybe she was making sure I was sure and not jumping into something too quickly where I had the potential to get hurt again, but it never truly came across that way. I mean my entire family saw what I went through and what my ex did to me. I would have thought they would have been happy for me and happy that I had moved on and found a wonderful person, but it never came across that they were either. So when my sister who seemed indifferent about my choice to get remarried or her presence at the actually wedding all of the sudden surprised me like that, I was taken aback and I think the tears where those of- she really does care!
Anyway, those tears later turned to happiness as it was one of the best meals any of us have ever eaten. I knew that certain items may have been prepared tableside, but the executive chef from the resort cooked and plated everything before our eyes. The food was amazing, the service exceptional and it far exceeded our expectations. It really was the most perfect day from beginning to end. Our pictures and video are amazing and we had the kind of wedding that most people can only dream of. I truly feel blessed and after all is said and done, I have no regrets and no doubts that I married the perfect person for me this time. Hopefully we will have many years of health, happiness and new memories to look forward to in the years to come.
Until I write again……..
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