The Family Drama

August 23, 2010

Life has been going at a very fast pace these past few weeks. There is actually no major drama going on in my life TODAY, but it has been a while and I like to keep things current so that anyone stumbling upon my blog is up to day with the happenings in my life. I suppose it is a good thing to write for the sake of writing and not because you have to to get stuff off your chest.

I have to say that my boyfriend is wonderful and while my last entry had me a bit upset with him, we really are good together. He is super supportive of me. He lets me vent, helps me solve the problems in my life and lets me ramble about whatever is on my mind. And while there may come a day- as of yet, he has never complained about it once. We have excellent communication and give and take and he has been a sounding board for much of the issues in my life that I might otherwise have to write about to get off my chest. So while he may be good for me, he may not be so much for you as he hears more of my life gossip and drama than I now write about. But all in all, I am not one to start a project and then abandon it. I figure it has been a while, a lot has happened and an update is probably called for. I will TRY and make it brief, but you know me and it most likely will not be that brief as I have so much to fill you in on.

Let me get started….

I guess I will start with the drama in my life created by others. As you should all be aware by this point, my brother is getting married in a month and my father’s side of the family has unfortunately been at odds since his passing. To give you a quick update on that one- the bridal shower was two weekends ago and my aunt and cousin, ages 74 and 58 respectively, decided they would not be going to the shower but did mail a gift to the house for me to bring. I called my aunt to inform her the package had arrived and she got all snippety that the package was from both of them and wanted to know why her daughter (my cousin) was not invited to anything and why we had been ignoring her grandchildren. For the record- they were all invited. Also for the record, we have reached out to them multiple times only to be ignored or replied to in a very rude and uncalled for fashion. My mother has stopped communicating with them a while back as a result of that and the fact that my aunt sent a very hurtful kiss off letter to my sister. They no longer speak and I try and do the right thing and keep the peach but it has been hard. Up until now, I was the only one my aunt really spoke with. Of course every time she calls I get a mouth full about how it is all my mother’s fault this happened, she knows things but will not get into it and them tells me that my father always said my mother wanted him dead so she could collect his life insurance money. Also for the record- he had life insurance, and my mother is comfortable for a while until she figures out a new game plan and as long as she lives a moderate lifestyle, but it is not as if he left millions and none of us ever have to work another day in our lives.

If you follow my blog you will know there has been non-stop drama with this side of the family and much of it I never even got a chance to write about but it has been NON- STOP. Anyway, I called to tell my aunt I had got her package and that we were planning a rehearsal brunch and hoped she could make it to that one. I got a nasty message back and I mean nasty. I think personally she has issues with my mother and not being part of things so she takes it out on me at times. I have bit my tongue for the most part. My father always did take her side and said how she was old and lived alone. I do feel for her but she is so damn negative that I call and then retreat. I often think of asking her out to lunch but she constantly bashes my mother or dredges up stuff about my father and how I have no clue what she is going through. I mean he was only my father- what could I possibly know about what it is like to lose a significant person in your life. Regardless, the fact remains, he is gone, he will not be coming back- it is sad, maybe even tragic, but he remains in our hearts and our memories and we all just need to move on. As the wedding gets closer, I hear from my future sister in law that my brother is having a real rough time and breaks down crying over the stupidest of things should they remind him of our father. I think the timing of things makes it hard to not think that someone who should be at his wedding will not be there, but we have all moved on the best we know how and do not make his death ours. Our lives go on and so we must move on. My aunt on the other hand apparently chooses to make his death hers. She sits at home in self pity crying and feeling sorry for herself and refusing to do anything or speak a kind word to any of us. I have never seen anything like it. My father’s passing tore the entire family apart and instead of moving on together and carrying on traditions, she has decided to give us the Italian horn.

Well apparently the apple does not fall far from the tree. Her daughter is just as bitter and just as nasty and spiteful. She has a drinking problem, financial problems and after her most recent incident, a brain problem. My cousin mailed back the RSVP for my brother’s wedding and crossed out in red marker the Decline with Regret and circled DECLINE. Now if you are not coming, can’t make it or don’t plan on going for personal vendetta issues- that is one thing. But to cross out and have it be know you do not regret you can not attend is totally uncalled for. And if it was meant to make a statement to my mother- the RSVP’s did not even go to my mother, they went to the bride’s mother.

Now as I mentioned, my mother has been asked to put together a wedding rehearsal brunch instead of the usual rehearsal dinner for the bridal party and close friends and relatives of the family so they can meet prior to the wedding. I helped my mother plan the event and last week I printed and mailed out formal invitations. Everyone was so delighted, could not wait to come etc. etc. Well everyone except my aunt of course. She called up the house asking for my mother. Now she has not called the house in months. Normally she gets me on my cell phone and I have to take the call outside so my mother does not get annoyed I am talking to her after all the destruction she has done to the family. For some reason, she had her goat up and decided to call and give my mother a piece of her mind. My mother was out at the time so I told her she could try back in about an hour. Long story short- she told me that perhaps I could give my mother a message for her. She then proceeded to yell at me and said, “HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK TO INVITE ME TO THIS BRIDAL BRUNCH. AFTER ALL THIS TIME I GET AN INVITE LIKE I AM SOMEONE YOU HAVE NOT SPOKEN TO IN 20 YEARS.” She then went on to say how we had some nerve to send her that- making an announcement in an invite that my mother was hosting a brunch for the wedding. She went on about how I had no idea what was going on- she knows stuff about my mother- bad, bad stuff but would not get into it. She wanted to know why no one calls her daughter and her grandkids. I mean it was like I was in a firing squad and I was totally at a loss for words.

I tried to explain to her that her daughter had been contacted but called leaving nasty drunken messages for us and that my mother and I have called her with no reply. What is the reason to keep reaching out to someone that ignores you or leaves hostile messages on the machine? I pointed out her grandchildren had ignore my last few attempts and while they were based on the retrieval of my father’s photo equipment and not more personal matters- it would have been the polite thing to at least acknowledge us. It was not exactly easy to go through every piece of equipment he ever owned and then be hit with resistance, ignorance and hostility from family members at a difficult time.

Let’s just say that she kept firing at me and beating on me and at a total loss for words for why I was being yelled at for inviting her to a family function and trying to make her still be a part of the family, I just stood there. When she finally stopped for a breath to ask if I heard her, I just told her that I really do not know what she wanted me to say to her. I explained my side of thing, told her I always call and tell her if she needs to talk or needs help but she never can talk about it or it is not at her liberty to say. What liberty- I ask how you are, you are having medical tests and call to see how they went and if she needs anything and she is “not at liberty to say”. Well the hell with that. I was tired of being her punching bag so I fought back. She wanted to yell at me….well bring it on. So I let her have it. I then told her that I know she is old and lives alone- I ask if she needs anything and she can never talk. I told her that I think of inviting her out for lunch but then every call I get a mouthful about what a bad person my mother is and so I change my mind. I told her that I do not need to hear that every time I talk to her and don’t need all the negativity. She then apologized to me and told me she understood. You see my aunt does not get along with her daughter at all. She told me that her daughter was her cross to bear and she guesses that my mother was my cross to bear. She then went on to apologize to me for having to deal with my mother. She went on to say stuff about her health and I told her that I call and ask and she never can tell me anything. To this she mentioned that her daughter would not want me to know what is going on. I just replied, “What the hell do your health issues have to do with what you daughter wants me to know. I call to check on you and you can never get into it, get upset and then have to go yet you are here now yelling at me for not calling or being involved.” And true to fashion, my aunt once again started with the tears and told me she needed to get off the phone. So I said good bye and after that lovely encounter, I don’t care if it is the right thing or what my father would have wanted- I am done with her.

Life is too short to deal with that drama and all the negativity that comes along with it. I have made some hard choices over the past year and I said that no one who brings dysfunction into my life will stay in my life. I left my ex- actually I left two of them for bringing the dysfunction so that I could find myself in a better and a more peaceful place in my life. Normally I am all for family and have their back, but not when they treat you like this. I feel sorry for her, I wish her well and if she ever truly needs me, I will be there for her because that is just who I am as a person, but for right now, I am cutting her out of my life like a bad cancer. I hope the powers that be and my father and anyone else who disagree with this decision forgive me or at least one day come to understand it. But for right now, I need to focus on being positive, staying focused and getting my life back on track and I am not about to let people pull me backwards or pull me down- family included.

I suppose my family drama has been about the most crazy thing to happen this month and I could write 10 more pages on what has transpired this month alone without even getting into all the past stuff. My brother was hurt by their actions as were my mother, future sister in law and after this most recent outbreak- I suppose so was I. I have already spent enough time on them so I will end it there. I hope to not have to report any more issues on the family front, but you never know with these folks. Unfortunately they have taken up a big chunk of my time and I am out of time to write today. I have so much more to say to make my update complete but I think I will have to call it a wrap. Perhaps I will try to briefly bring you up to speed with everything else tomorrow. After that, my time to write will be really limited and you will soon find out why.

Until I write again…..